Blessed Are They

Matthew Chapter 5 is a chapter in the New Testament that has gotten me through a lot recently. The Savior promises many blessings as He preaches the Sermon on the Mount. 

3 Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

4 Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.

 5 Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.

 6 Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.

 7 Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.

 8 Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.

 9 Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.

 10 Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness’ sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

 11 Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you,and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.

 12 Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.

Sometimes I feel like I do everything I can do and I reap nothing from it. I feel like I never see the fruits of my labors. I feel lonely and sad and forgotten. I feel outcast and unaccepted and a little bit scared. Sometimes I feel like Heavenly Father doesn't answer my prayers, but then a scripture like that comes along and hits me in the face. It's doctrine like this that makes me realize how truly blessed and loved I really am. It's truth like this that shows me how selfish I am for having those thoughts. My hard work won't always be recognize. I'll never get to see all the fruits of my labors. I'll feel lonely and forgotten and sand and outcast and scared. Why? Because I'm human. And guess what? The Savior, Jesus Christ, knows exactly, EXACTLY, how each and every one of those emotions feels. He knows because He's felt them all. How, you ask? I don't know. But I know He did. 

This year has been the hardest, however, ironically, the happiest of my life. I have been tried and tested and somethings I feel like I'm being stretched to my limits. But then scriptures like Matthew 5 say, 

"Hey Jess! WAKE UP, dummy! Heavenly Father loves you." 

Upon realizing this, all doubts, fears, and misconceptions f a l l  a w a y ... Trials aren't fun. But are they supposed to be? No. Trials are supposed to mold us and shape us into the people that Heavenly Father knows we can become. They shape us into our best selves. 

So when we have poor spirits, when we mourn, when are persecuted for our righteousness, we have to remember that Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost have our backs. They're never going to leave us alone. Why would they? Even when we feel like we're being stretched beyond our limits and when we feel like we have nowhere to go...Heavenly Father's always there. Always. I only pray that I can live worthily of such blessings promised in Matthew 5. I want to be numbered among the Children of God. I want to inherit the Kingdom of God and I want to be able to stand at the judgement seat, holding my head up high, so that when my Heavenly Father meets me there, He will say, 

"Well done, thou good and faithful  servant: thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord." 

At Water's Edge

I was just finished the first week of my second semester at the glorious BYU-Idaho! I'm not going to lie; it was taxing, hard, trying, and at times, discouraging. But it was also wonderful, enlightening, beautiful, and humbling. The beginning of my week started in despair and agony. I was more confused than I had ever been and wasn't sure why. The end of this week, however, feels days, months away from that first day. The things that I have learned and the people that I have encountered have changed everything. If at the beginning of this week you had told me that I would have switched majors and changed perspectives completely, I would have laughed in your face and trudged off to the Snow Building practice rooms to play the marimba. 


But this week I have learned a valuable lesson; one of faith and humility. I have actually learned so much in this week first that I can't even comprehend it all at one time. I have been so inspired and enlightened, it's crazy! Being at this special university has definitely changed my life forever. But coming back to my original thought, I have learned one of the most important lessons that one could learn: 


faith. 


At the beginning of the week I was positive that I wanted to go to school for Music Education. I was dead set on it and I wasn't budging. But then something happened that day that scared me. I hated the feelings that came with it all. That's not to say that Music Education won't be near and dear to my heart always, and that's not to say that the Music program is bad. I'm also not saying that I necessarily -wanted- to switch majors either. It wasn't too hard, it wasn't too much work, and it wasn't something that I hated. In fact, music is what I wanted to succeed at more than anything else. But, I didn't want to be there anymore and I knew had to change or I would be miserable (but we already know that from my last blog, right?) I knew that Heavenly Father had other plans for me, and I also knew that He knew I wasn't going to be happy. So, I prayed. I prayed hard. And I didn't say, "Okay, what should I do?" I said, "Is this -really- what you want me to do? Are you sure?" I already kind of knew what I had to do, I just didn't know why. So, I took the plunge. I changed my major. I didn't give myself time to think about it too much, I just did it. The thing is, I didn't have a crystal clear answer as to if what I was doing was the right thing or not. It just felt right, so I did it. 


This week in my classes (funny how they all relate, huh?) we have been discussing learning by the Spirit and having faith. We also have been talking about acting vs. being acted upon. This week I decided to act, and I believe wholeheartedly that I was blessed for that. Here's an exert from Elder Bednar's talk about Learning by the Spirit:

"Recall how the Israelites came to the river Jordan and were promised the waters would part, and they would be able to cross over on dry ground. Interestingly, the waters did not part as the children of Israel stood on the banks of the river waiting for something to happen; rather, the soles of their feet were wet before the water parted. The Faith of the Israelites was manifested in the fact that they walked into the water before it parted. They walked into the river Jordan With a future--‐facing assurance of things hoped for. As the Israelites moved forward, the water parted, and as they crossed over on dry land, they looked back and beheld the evidence of things not seen. In this episode, faith as assurance led to action and produced the evidence of things not seen that were true." - David A. Bednar

This implies that the Israelites acted upon their faith. They weren't just going to stand around and say, "Okay, Lord, we're here. Part the waters, and we'll go on our merry way." They took action. They took the first few steps into the water before the Lord parted the waters for them. They didn't merely stand at water's edge and wait for the miracle to happen, but were rather anxiously engaged in the cause. We have to become like the Israelites. We have to get our feet wet before we can expect Heavenly Father to make a dry pathway for us. We have to take those oh-so-scary steps into the darkness and have the faith to know that Heavenly Father will shine light on our situation in His time. 


I firmly believe that Heavenly Father wants me to be happy. And through a simple thing, like changing my major, He knew that I would be so much happier. He knew that I would learn so much more, and that the experiences and people that I met will shape and mold me into the best person that I can me. I'll always be eternally grateful to Him for "making" me make a choice that I didn't want to make. I'll always be eternally grateful for this experience so that I could learn and grow and be happy. Finally, happy. 

Faith is Like a Little Seed

Today was the first day of my second semester of college at BYU-Idaho. I had been excited about this day since the day I left in December. I couldn't want to get back to school, do homework, go to classes, meet new people, and do everything that going to college entails...

But today I was miserable.

I started feeling miserable on my way to school this morning. As I was driving to Rexburg I couldn't help but feel a little...distraught. I couldn't focus and I was having a hard time being excited anymore. My motivation was depleting quickly and I had no idea why. I couldn't help buy feel a little disappointed in myself that all my excitement and vigor was missing. But, I went on to my classes. I go to my ED200(History and Philosophy of Education) and I loved it. Brother Magleby was fantastic and hilarious and I was inspired! I knew I wanted to teach all my life, but he reiterated that for me.

Then..just when things were looking up, I went to my MUSIC172 class (Music Theory, musicianship..whatever). I got this terrible feeling in my stomach and thought to myself, "Why are you here? What the heck are you doing?" I quickly pushed the thought out of my mind because I didn't -want- to think that thought. I went throughout the entire class questioning my ability to get through it every day. I didn't want to start each day with intervals, composers I'd never heard of, sight singing and solfege anymore. I didn't want to memorize pieces that I would never play, I didn't want to analyze triads and find perfect fifths and augmented sixth. My motivation to do any of the sort had completely vanished. I had no desire to do any of it. But, I didn't feel like I was -supposed- to think those thoughts, so again I push them out..

Next was Symphony Band. This was the killer. I found myself to be 1 out of 2 percussionists in the entire band and was dissatisfied with everything that was happening. I didn't agree with the way the director was directing, nor did I want to play the pieces that he wanted us to play. After the class was over, I couldn't be more thrilled. I didn't want to be there anymore and I didn't feel like I belonged. It was the equivalent of Jr. High all over again. I didn't know what I was doing there, where to go, who to talk to, or what to think. 

I was lost.

After Symphony Band I headed to Devotional, a common activity of the faithful BYU-Idaho student. I went and tried to listen. I tried and failed. My mind was racing a mile a minute and I couldn't focus on anything. My mind kept jumping between thoughts of "Well, should I change my major? Why am I unhappy? This is what I love, why am I not happy doing it?" and so forth. I was sitting next to a friend who recently changed her major as well and I was trying to weigh the pro's and con's in my head. I kept coming up "buts" or "what ifs" and I was going crazy. So, after Devo, I was walking to my car and I had never felt so lonely in my life. I felt so alone and scared. So, I went to talk to my mommy....and I cried like the little girl I am. I explained all of this and she just kept saying that she'd support me in whatever I wanted to do. I cried some more and left. I decided to call a really good friend and ask her opinion. She told me basically the same thing, but then she said, "Do what love. If you don't do what you love, you'll be stuck doing something you don't love for the rest of your life. So change now if you're not happy." 

This changed -everything-

I started considering changing my major. The stress would be gone. I wouldn't be a failure. I could have so much worry taken off my shoulders. BUT, was I just wimping out? Was I just being lazy? Did I need to work harder? Then, I came to the conclusion. NO! I'm not. I'm not lazy. And no, I didn't need to work harder. I just needed something different. I love Music with all my heart, soul, mind, and being BUT..I didn't want to do this anymore. I didn't want to stress over whether I was good enough or not, whether I could hear a perfect 5th and know it or not, whatever. 

I decided to change my major. English Education. I've always known that I would be a teacher, and that it would just be a matter of what to teach. I think I've found it. Music will always be my love, but I would never want to ruin that love with stupid theory classes that I have no motivation to go to. I just want to feel good about at least one decision that I make, and this could be it. I know this entire post seems selfish, and ya know what? IT IS. My entire life I have always wanted to please everyone else. I have NEVER wanted to let anyone down or have them disappointed in me. I couldn't ever bear the thought of being a disappointment to anyone, let alone people that care about me. But recently I've decided that I need to focus on -me- now. This is my life, it's my career, and it's my college experience. This is a time for me to focus on myself.

Now, I don't have all the facts, but I do know this for absolute certain: I know that Heavenly Father loves ME. And in knowing that, I know that He wants me to be happy and He wouldn't let me do anything that would eternally make me unhappy. I trust Him with every fiber of my being and I just want to be obedient to Him. I love Him and He loves me. IF this isn't the right decision, He'll let me know again. He'll say, "Time Out, Team! Regroup, and try again!" Just like He did today. He's got my back and I trust Him. So here's to the new semester, as an ENGLISH EDUCATION MAJOR. Am I crazy? Absolutely.

"Why would anyone wanna be a teacher?"

A question that has been asked to me many a time is, "Why would anyone wanna be a teacher?" And for the longest time, I didn't even know why I wanted to be a teacher. I knew there was something about it that was appealing, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I had always wanted to be a teacher, but what about it made me want to do it for the rest of my life? 

This past week, I've come to a conclusion. Now, it might sound silly to some, and false to others, and simple to most, but at least for me it's true. Why do I want to teach? I want to be part of something bigger than myself. I want to help change lives. I want to aid in the education of the youth of our nation. I know, I know, cheesy, right? But think about it. Why would teachers put up with students mocking them, calling them names, back-talking, bantering, inappropriate actions and words, harmful statements, bickering, fights, the laughing, the taunting, the jeering, and the other crap that they have to deal with on a day-to-day basis? Because they care. Plain and simple. 

No gimmicks, no catch. They care. They want you to succeed and they want to be a tiny part of it. They get enjoyment out of seeing you succeed. I think that when a teacher sees a student succeed at something they've been struggling with, it makes up for all the other stuff they have to deal with. 

Think about it. Have you ever taught someone how to do something? Have you taught your mom how to use her phone? Have you taught a friend how to do a math problem? Have you taught your sibling how to beat level 8 on Super Mario before? Now, think about how it made you feel. For me, when I teach someone how to do something, it's the same as serving them. Have you ever served someone and you knew that you benefited more from the experience than the person you served? It felt GOOD to serve them, didn't it? 

When I see people I've taught succeeding, it makes up for all the rough times we've gone through. My life has been changed by so many of my teachers. Teachers change, shape, and mold us into extraordinary members of society. They give us the foundation we need to build our lives upon. They help us to become well-rounded individuals. Teachers change lives. They are some of the hardest working people I know, and I hope that one day I will become even close to what they are.  I want to change lives, and more importantly, I want the students that I teach to succeed. I want to be the teacher that they need, the teacher that they trust, the teacher that has sympathy for them. I want to be the teacher that, when my students need some to talk to, then they can come to me with anything.

So, why do I wanna be a teacher? Because I care. Because my life has been changed by countless others, and I want my chance to make a difference. If you're one of my teachers, or you've simply taught me something...ever, and you're reading this, know that you have changed my life for the better. I owe it all to you.

Hey everyone! I've decided to create a new blog. Blogging for me is kind of like keeping a journal; I'm really bad at it. BUT! This time will be different. I will keep up with it! That's a promise. So first, I'll just give y'all an update. 

I'm about ready to start my second semester of college at BYU-Idaho. I'm studying to become a Music Education Major with an emphasis in band. I never believed people when they said that college was better than high school, but now I do! College has changed my life. I've met so many new people and I love them all. I have experienced so many new things that it's hard to be ungrateful. My first semester was such a wonderful experience and I can't wait for another semester!

Right now I'm attending a college ward up on campus that Bishop Chelson is over. This ward has truly changed me as a person, and as a daughter of God. The people bring about such an amazing spirit and they truly love each other. The people are so kind and so willing to serve. This ward has been so kind to me, even though I am just a local. I've been called as the Ward Choir director and I love every minute of it. It's not always easy, but so worth it. This ward is so willing to have fun and bring the Spirit at the same time. I have made so many new friends. I have the best visiting teaching companion anyone could ever ask for and I'm so grateful to bask in the presence of so many great people. I am so blessed!

I am truly blessed to be where I am right now. BYU-Idaho has an amazing Music Department and I'm so grateful for the opportunity to be a part of it. Music is one of the most important things to me. It lifts us up when we're down. It can change our mood. It has the power to connect us all. Music is the universal connection between all living things. Music is the language that all people speak.

I'm so excited for this new semester and all the adventures it holds. :)